If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
