I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
