Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
