and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
