When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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