You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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