I want to walk on stilts...naked
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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