Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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