I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
of course. lets lasso hookers.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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