just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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