Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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