it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
