dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
