I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
