he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
