i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
