I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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