Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
