So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
