I wish I only lived at night.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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