You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
