The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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