its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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