i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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