i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
