Are we in a gay sports bar?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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