Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Randomize
