When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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