speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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