i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
