I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
