You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
