if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I believe in your delicious
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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