I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
