oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
