Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
