You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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