dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
