i think my mom watched the whole time
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
