I think I died a long time ago.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
