You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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