So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
