it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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