I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
