The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
