Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
