She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
