ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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