I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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