i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
