Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
