shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
