just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
