I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
